How to bring more joy into your life

Have you ever had days that start off really well – you feel alive, energetic, the sun is shining, you’ve had an inspiring and uplifting conversation with a friend or colleague, you’re making good progress through your ‘to do’ list. Then suddenly, out of no-where and without any new external event, you don’t feel so good? You may even feel lost, tearful, unhappy or anxious. Have you ever had days like those?

I’ve had plenty. So, I set myself the challenge of trying to understand when and why my feelings u-turn like this for no apparent reason. Out came my journal and with renewed vigour, I took note of the happenings and the not so happenings of each and every day. This is what I discovered.

Thoughts create feelings

The difference between a good day and a bad day can sometimes be nothing more than the thoughts that pop into my head – regardless of whether those thoughts are true or not.  I’m very emotional so a negative or upsetting thought immediately translates into negative feelings even when the thought is a pure work of fiction.

For me it’s natural to feel sad when thinking about how much I’m missing a loved one or when I start to worry about a sick friend or relative. However, what I’m noticing more recently is that I also feel sad or anxious when I worry about a possible future event that has not even occurred or that in reality may never actually happen. My increased awareness of this has made it easier to start challenging these thoughts with questions like ‘is it true’? ‘What evidence do I have that this will 100% happen’ and so on.

It’s also given me the courage to use loved ones as sounding boards whenever I feel my mind taking over like this. The cool calm reassuring wisdom of a dear friend is often all I need to bring myself back to the reality that I am simply battling with my thoughts. With practice it get’s easier to just let these intruding, unsubstantiated thoughts come and go as they please without attaching my feelings to them, leaving me free to enjoy the here and now.

Your expectations affect your happiness

A few years ago our builders delivered the wrong colour bi-folding doors on an already overdue renovation project. Upon discovering this both my husband and I felt a sudden unhappy weight on our shoulders as we openly deliberated what to do, the impact on the build of further delay whilst we awaited replacement doors etc. The builders would not accept responsibility and the heated exchange really ruined our day and our sleep!

Ironically, the very next day we looked again at the doors and instantly fell in love with the colour, realising it was by far the better choice for our design project. We decided to keep the doors. The deep unhappiness and frustration we had felt the day before was in complete and opposite contrast to the happiness and gratitude we now felt and yet the only thing that had changed was our expectations. When the reality of the situation did not meet with our expectations the outcome was a negative feeling. Now that the reality had exceeded our expectations we were over the moon.

The lesson stayed with me and I’m now better at adjusting my expectations if necessary, in the pursuit of happiness because what I think is wrong may indeed be right. At the very least there may be some silver lining waiting to be discovered.

Self-care is important

For the avoidance of doubt, let’s define self-care here as the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress. My journaling revealed the following as working wonders for me. They can be roughly grouped as taking care of your mind and body.

Mind

Learning

I love learning whether through books, online articles, podcasts, conversations with interesting people or absolute stillness with just me, myself and I. Feeding my mind is as important to me as feeding my body. In the same way that you are what you eat, you can degrade or enhance the health of your mind by whatever inputs are allowed in. Since the pandemic, I am very careful to limit my intake of any news or information sources that are divisive or sensationalist as it’s very easy to fall down the rabbit hole of negativity such as the feelings of anger and fear that these types of information provoke.

Living a more conscious life with a growth mindset gives me the tools I need to keep moving in the right direction, to keep growing and evolving into the best possible version of me – aligned with my values and sense of purpose.

Relationships

The quality of my closest relationships mean the world to me as it is these relationships that provide the support, nourishment, advice and encouragement I often need as I charter the course of my life. Not to mention all the crazy, fun memories that are created inbetween. I’m always there for loved ones whenever needed and never hesitate to pick up the phone if I myself need help, advice or a shoulder to cry on. I actively calendar in quality time with loved ones and self. Not only is it something wonderful to look forward to, the anticipation, the actual event and the lifelong memories it creates are both joyous and priceless.

Practise Gratitude

A daily practice of gratitude does wonders for your mindset and happiness levels. My journaling showed a correlation existed between my low mood days and days when I felt I had little to be grateful for. I’ve kept a gratitude journal for some time and generally start and end my day giving thanks for all the simple things – a good nights sleep, a beautiful sunset, a delicious meal, a long hot shower (I love showers!). Regardless of the challenges and difficult periods in my life, I always find that there is plenty to be grateful for if I simply care to look for it. And once you see it, the beauty is that you also instantly feel the joy of it. And the more you feel it, the more reasons you find to be grateful for all the things you generally take for granted. Things that not everyone is blessed with and that without, your life would be all the worse for it.

Body

Nutrition

My overeating, dehydration and addiction to sugar made me feel awful but I had no idea this was what was happening until I reviewed and improved my diet. Whilst there is no one size fits all solution, there is a wealth of information including analytical devices you can use to track the impact that what you eat/drink has on your body, mood, sleep and overall performance. My new daily practice of well balanced, timely nutrition and hydration has been a game changer without diminishing my love of food, wine and good company whilst eating. I now find myself positively thriving throughout the entire day and night.

Exercise

We all know how important this is but in reality it can be difficult to be consistent with this due to work and life pressures. I led a fairly sedentary ‘office based’ lifestyle for many years. However it all started to change in 2021 when we adopted a big and very active rescue dog. He needed long daily walks regardless of the weather otherwise he went a little banana’s at home. What started out as a sometimes unwanted responsibility (especially during cold, rainy days), has now turned into incredible joyous walks through woodlands, forests, farmlands, heaths, lakelands and so on.

We’re fortunate that we live in an area where this is instantly accessible – perfect for someone like me who’s allergic to the gym. I really enjoy the walks – which sometimes develop into runs and when I last went for my health MOT, I was over the moon to see evidence that my overall health had improved. This was what worked for me and given its life enhancing benefits, I’d strongly advise you do whatever works for you in terms of ensuring you move your body each day and if you can have fun doing it then that’s a bonus.

Feeling Unwell

It sounds obvious but we don’t always know when we are actually feeling out of whack due to being unwell or having an imbalance in hormones for example. A year ago I started really struggling mentally with my mood to the point that I feared that I was actually losing my mind or perhaps falling into a depression. It wasn’t until I got a ‘peri menopause’ diagnosis that I realised that what I was experiencing were normal side effects of that condition and something that many women my age experience. I’m now better at understanding how my menstrual cycle & hormones impacts my mood.

The body and mind are quite amazing at letting you know when something is off and with practice we can get better at reading those signals and taking appropriate action to improve our physical and mental wellbeing even if it’s just going to see your GP or speaking to someone – a friend, family member or a professional.

Summary

One thing I have learned is to welcome all feelings when they arrive and so I no longer instantly fight or resent the sadness or uncomfortable feelings but rather lean into it and allow it to pass through me as a necessary and unavoidable part of being human. It’s OK to feel negative feelings from time to time. The awareness of the source of that negative emotion is helpful if it points to an adjustment I need to make to my lifestyle or thought processes or if it’s time to reach out to a friend or professional for support. In that way I’m actually grateful for that sensation bringing the learning into my awareness.

It feels empowering knowing that there is much within our control to help us tap into genuine feelings of joy and gratitude about our lives and the world in which we live regardless of what is happening internally or externally. It’s also comforting to know that our bodies and minds are good at sending signals that help us navigate this thing called life. We just need to fine tune our ability to effectively receive, decode and act on those signals.

Daily journaling with a focus on gratitude has worked wonders for me. You can journal in whatever style best suits you – mine resembling more of a mind map, is very visual as images and colour coding work better for me than rows of text.  Journalling is definitely something I suggest people give a try – even if it’s just a 5 minute activity at the start and end of each day. You’d be amazed just how insightful, how therapeutic and also how much fun it can be.