“The Cucumber Is Bitter”
What Stoic wisdom can teach us about control, burnout, and perspective
Salve, Happy Minds! When you hear the word Stoicism, you might picture someone emotionally constipated, arms crossed, feelings firmly locked in a mental filing cabinet marked “Do Not Open.” You know the type: calm on the outside, simmering on the inside, convinced that admitting anger, upset or overwhelm is a sign of weakness.
But the original Stoics weren’t emotionless robots or repressed Victorian dads. They felt things. They just didn’t let those feelings hijack the wheel.
Which, frankly, sounds pretty useful when you’re juggling life, work, and the constant low-level chaos of modern existence.
You know that feeling when everything hits at once? A restructure at work. A family emergency. A missed deadline. A road closure on your morning commute. A colleague who’s accidentally-on-purpose added another task to your already overloaded to-do list. Ugh.
It’s a bit like juggling flaming batons… on a unicycle… in a headwind. And someone just threw you a chainsaw for good measure.
So what do you do when life (or work) feels like a relentless barrage of problems? When you’re staring down burnout, grappling with uncertainty, or just trying to stay grounded in a world that keeps spinning faster?
Philosopher Massimo Pigliucci has a surprising suggestion: go back—way back—to the second century. And sit down with Marcus Aurelius.Yes, that Marcus. Emperor of Rome. Philosopher-king. Writer of Meditations. A Stoic thinker in a time of war, plague, rebellion and, frankly, total chaos. Sound familiar?
When life hands you bitter cucumbers
There’s a line in Meditations that stopped Pigliucci in his tracks during a particularly rough patch in his life. It goes like this:
“The cucumber is bitter? Then throw it out.
There are briars in the path? Then go around them. That is enough.
Do not add, ‘Why do such things exist?’”
It sounds simple—even flippant. But beneath the veggie metaphor is a radical idea: Not everything is worth our outrage. Not everything deserves our rumination. Especially the things we can’t change.
And when you think about it, how much of your day is consumed by bitter cucumbers?
- That frustrating policy you didn’t write but still have to enforce.
- The colleague who replies-all. Every. Single. Time.
- The tech issue that derailed your morning.
- The email that arrived after hours and hijacked your entire evening brain.
The Stoics would say: name it, notice it, accept it, and move on. Don’t waste your energy wrestling with reality. Redirect that energy into something you can influence.
The power of the evening debrief
One of the most practical Stoic tools is also one of the simplest: the evening reflection. A five-minute habit where you ask yourself:
- What did I do well today?
- What didn’t go so well?
- What can I learn and do differently next time?
You don’t need a leather-bound journal or a candlelit room (unless that helps). You just need curiosity, honesty, and ideally, less than one glass of wine.
Pigliucci credits this practice with helping him process major life upheaval—divorce, grief, job change, a hospital visit. But honestly? It’s just as helpful for anyone navigating office politics, decision fatigue, or a difficult conversation you’re still replaying three days later.
Even better? The science backs it up. Reflective practice improves self-awareness, emotional regulation, and decision-making—skills we all need, regardless of job title.
What’s really under your control?
You’ve probably come across the “dichotomy of control” before—the idea that some things are up to us, and others aren’t.
But how often do we actually apply it?
The Stoics believed we waste too much time trying to control things we can’t: other people’s reactions, the economy, someone else’s mood, your boss’s last-minute pivot…even the weather! And we don’t spend enough time focusing on the things we can control: our actions, our habits, our mindset.
They weren’t suggesting passivity or indifference. Far from it. They just understood something we often forget: Emotional maturity isn’t about having no feelings. It’s about knowing where to spend them.
Stoicism in action
A few months ago, a friend of mine received unexpectedly harsh feedback from a client. Right there in a meeting, with no heads up. I was furious on their behalf. My stomach flipped just hearing about it.
But they took a deep breath. Asked thoughtful questions. Said thank you. Followed up later with grace and clarity. Meanwhile, I thought about how I’d likely have responded: crying in the loos. Overanalysing every word for days. Probably rage-texting a friend about it later.
Seeing their calm response in the moment really stayed with me. It reminded me that we can choose how we respond, even when our feelings are loud. Even when the cucumbers are very, very bitter.
Emotional intelligence… 2,000 years ago?
A lot of what Marcus Aurelius practiced would slot neatly into your next wellbeing or team development session:
- Self-reflection: reviewing your behaviours and patterns
- Perspective-taking: being curious instead of reactive
- Values-led choices: acting from integrity, not impulse
- Acceptance: recognising the limits of control without spiralling
In a world that prizes speed, optimisation, and constant output, Stoicism offers something slower and steadier. A little more breath. A little more space. A different way to move through the messiness.
So what does this actually look like?
It might mean…
- Letting go of performative productivity, and focusing on purposeful effort
- Replacing resentment with boundaries
- Building in small daily moments of reflection
- Holding space for uncertainty without spiralling
- Stopping the doom-scroll after one bad meeting (…or at least pausing before refreshing LinkedIn)
And asking yourself, as Marcus once did:
“If you woke up today with only what you were grateful for yesterday…
what would you have?”
Want to go deeper?
At Happy Mind, we help people build these kinds of skills—without the jargon or awkward icebreakers. Our team of trainers and designers are constantly reading and researching new topics to keep things fresh and exciting. Here are a few you might like:
