‘Breast is Best’ – Or So They Say

The 1st – 7th August is World Breastfeeding Week. And the notion of ‘breast is best’ is always one that has stuck with me. Not in a good way. Initially, it made me feel like a failure. It took me a while to get out of that mindset and be in a better place, it wasn’t easy but I am there now. 

The Pressure Starts Before Baby Arrives 

One day I was walking down the road in Brighton, right near the theatre, and some complete stranger stopped me in my tracks. I was heavily pregnant and on my own. Without greeting me they simply said ‘I really hope you are going to breast feed that baby’. 

I was completely lost for words, so all that came out was, ‘yes I am planning to’. And that was it. They said ‘good’ or something to that effect and they were gone. 

I was left feeling shaken. And confused. 

When Reality Doesn’t Match Expectations 

Fast forward to me giving birth to my beautiful daughter, and I was determined to breastfeed. Mainly because I really wanted to. I wanted that connection. But also because I felt pressure to. ‘Breast is best’ and all that. 

After the birth, I was in hospital with her for a couple days where I pressed my call bell numerous times (as I was told and encouraged to). But when I did I felt like I was bothering them. I felt dismissed. I was struggling to get her to latch. I was in pain. I was confused and didn’t think I was ‘doing it right’. 

I just needed someone to sit with me. Coach me. Support me and reassure me. You know, do the work.

But after a couple of days they sent me home to fend for myself. My husband was so supportive, helping me every time I needed him. Encouraging me. My biggest cheerleader. But I was so overwhelmed, emotional and completely and utterly exhausted. 

I continued to try for a few more days including a (very unhelpful and judgemental) visit from the health visitor but things didn’t get better – unsurprisingly. She wouldn’t settle and I just couldn’t do it. I ended up sending my parents on a formula run at about 11pm one night in total breakdown mode. 

We completely switched to formula from then on and I felt a huge weight lifted. 

Letting Go of the Guilt 

As well as relief I felt guilt. Shame. Among a multitude of other emotions. But there was no going back for me. This mix of emotions got better over months, years even, but it took me a long time to be able to talk about it without crying. 

Since then, this notion of ‘Breast is best’ has somewhat changed. It is less shoved down mothers throats than it used to be. And I think there is more consideration for the mother. More understanding of the fact that a happy, healthy mother can sometimes be more important than breast feeding a baby. 

Let me be clear, I am not against breastfeeding in the slightest and I obviously recognise that in terms of anti-bodies and nutrition it is absolutely the best thing for your child and incredible if you can do it. 

But it is not the only way. 

Mothers certainly should not feel guilty, shamed or in any way like a failure for not being capable of doing it, for whatever the reason! 

A Different Experience the Second Time Around 

I went on to have my second child, a handsome little boy. I decided I wanted to try again, not for society, or anyone else that felt ‘I should’, but for myself. I wanted to and that is all that mattered. It was important to me and what felt like a healing process in a way. 

Maybe that’s stupid. But it was how I felt.

And then I got laryngitis. Really you couldn’t write it…

Yes, I was in labour (a slightly painful experience, you might have heard?) with this infection and then had to be on a 5 day course of antibiotics after the baby was born. Like I didn’t have enough to deal with. 

But I was still determined. 

It was a long process for my milk to come in and then I had to feed, pump, feed, pump, feed. You get the idea. Oh and fit in sometime to actually sleep, eat and look after my daughter too. 

But I did it. And I loved it. 

We have some really hilarious moments (and pictures!) of me hooked up to double breast pumps. Or the constant leaky boob situations. Or the accidental squirt of milk in his (or my) face.

But I will cherish each and every one of those moments. I will cherish them just like all the moments I held him, feeding him. But I realised in those moments, as wonderful as they were, that I still felt just as connected to my daughter when I fed her from a bottle. I would snuggle up tight and look into her eyes and be filled with the same emotions. 

I only lasted around 4 weeks, due to my illness, my body could just not keep up with my supply my hungry little boy needed. I recognised it. We added formula and did a slow transition and both mummy and baby were happy. 

I took no guilt and knew I was doing the best for me and my family. 

Trusting Ourselves 

I realise this isn’t really about breastfeeding at all.

It’s about pressure.

The pressure society places on mothers. The pressure we place on ourselves. The endless opinions, advice and judgement that seem to appear the moment a baby arrives.

Some mothers breastfeed for months or years and love every minute of it. Some struggle. Some choose not to. Some combination feed. Some switch between different approaches as their circumstances change.

And do you know what?

That’s all okay.

Because every mother, every baby and every family is different.

What works brilliantly for one may not work for another, and neither should be judged for it.

At the end of the day, our job isn’t to meet somebody else’s expectations. It’s to make the decisions that are right for us, our babies and our families.

So perhaps it’s time we all became a little less interested in telling mothers what they should do and a little more interested in supporting them in whatever decision they make.

Whether your baby is breastfed, formula fed or somewhere in between, what matters most is that they are loved, cared for and fed.

And that their mum is okay too.