When the Light Changes
There is something about the clocks going back that I really don’t like. Watching the daylight disappear earlier and earlier gets me every year.
Here in the UK, we’ve just passed the autumn equinox. The days are already getting shorter and, with the clocks going back in a few weeks, it won’t be long before the darker evenings really start closing in.
9pm becomes 7pm, then 5pm, and before you know it, you’re looking out of the window and wondering where the day has gone. By the shortest days of the year, sunset is around 4pm, and I feel it weighing on me.
I’ve always found that loss of daylight surprisingly difficult. As the days get shorter, I can feel my mood, energy and motivation slowly slipping with them. I get more tired and irritable, and things that would normally feel quite manageable suddenly seem like a lot more effort. I want to hibernate, see fewer people and generally do a lot less.
For a long time, I didn’t notice a pattern. Perhaps I was just having a bad week. Maybe I just didn’t like winter. Then, in my early twenties I heard the words Seasonal Affective Disorder for the first time, and suddenly, everything clicked.
SAD is a type of depression with a seasonal pattern, and for many people it starts in autumn and continues through the winter months. It can affect your mood, energy, sleep, concentration and motivation.
I remember thinking: “Oh. So that’s why I feel like this” It was actually quite a relief.
Knowing there was a pattern, and a reason for it, didn’t suddenly make winter easier, but it meant I could stop wondering why I seemed to become a completely different version of myself almost out of nowhere. And, more importantly, I could start doing something about it.
I really, really like light
If it’s daytime, I need the room I’m in to feel like daytime. I need the curtains open, the windows letting in as much light as possible and, most of the time, I need the lights on. I’ll even change lightbulbs if they’re not bright enough.
It might sound like a small thing, but I genuinely notice the difference. A room that feels light and bright can lift my mood; but a room that feels gloomy does quite the opposite.
However, that doesn’t mean I want everything brightly lit all the time. If it’s dark outside and it’s time to settle down, I’m quite happy for the lights to change with it. Give me a warm lamp and some cosy lighting in the evening and I’m very happy.
The thing is that I love the dark outside. I live on a farm in the countryside, and our dark skies are really dark – and I love to go out and watch all the stars.
So it’s not so much about hating the dark, it’s the loss of daylight that I find difficult.
Knowing makes a difference
The biggest thing that has helped me is actually knowing what I’m experiencing.
But I’ve also learned to make a few changes to my routine too:
In the winter I use one of those sunrise alarms that gradually gets brighter in the morning, mimicking a sunrise. Waking up to a room that is slowly getting lighter, rather than an alarm going off in complete darkness, makes a surprising difference.
I try to get outside during daylight when I can, too. Living on a farm in winter means that I’m often doing my jobs in the dusky darkness, which doesn’t help my brain! But I try to make sure to step outside in the daylight too, even for a few minutes. Or, on the days where the weather’s beating me, I go and sit in a little window seat where I can at least see the sky.
Cold-water swimming has also become something I really value for my mental health. Getting outside, moving my body, being in nature and doing something that makes me feel very much alive all really helps.
And then, just accepting that winter is a hibernation period, and doesn’t necessarily need to be approached in exactly the same way as summer. Embrace hygge – a Scandinavian idea of slowing down and surrounding yourself in cosiness.
Related Blog – Slowing Down this Season
I really value the start of December, when I can get the Christmas lights up. I love having extra little pockets of light around the house when the days are at their shortest. There’s definitely something about walking into a room with twinkling lights on that makes darkness feel a little less oppressive. Maybe it’s the Christmas spirit, maybe it’s the extra light… perhaps it’s a bit of both!
It’s okay that sometimes I have less energy. Sometimes I want to stay home. Sometimes I need a quieter evening and a little less pressure to be productive.
…of course, the cows don’t particularly care whether I feel like hibernating, so there are limits to how much of that I can do!
Pay attention to the pattern
Sometimes we don’t realise something is affecting us until we stop and look for a pattern.
For years, I felt worse in winter without understanding why. Once I knew about SAD, I could start noticing what was happening, preparing for it and being a little kinder to myself when it did.
With World Mental Health Day approaching on the 10th October, it’s worth taking a moment to think about how there’s probably something in that for all of us.
Not necessarily SAD, but noticing whether there are things that consistently affect how you feel; or knowing what makes you feel more like yourself.
Maybe it’s getting outside. Maybe it’s seeing a particular person, moving your body, having enough sleep, listening to music, being around animals, or simply having a bit of time when nobody needs anything from you.
We can spend a lot of time trying to fix ourselves when sometimes, it might be more useful to pay attention to ourselves first.
For me, that means noticing the light. I know that the darker months are going to be harder, so I make small changes before I’m right in the middle of them.
…that doesn’t mean I don’t still count down the days until winter solstice – I absolutely do! There’s something very reassuring about knowing that once we reach that point, the light is already beginning to return.
If You’d Like to Talk or Need Support
If anything in this blog has resonated with you, or if you’re struggling with your mental health, you’re not alone – and support is available:
To find our more about World Mental Health Day, or to add this date to your calendar head over to our Inclusion Calendar
